“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.”
–Edith Schaeffer
On the outside, no one would accuse me of being a perfectionist, although those who know me well would admit that I hold myself and others to a very high standard. But deep inside me the voice of my grandmother, a lifelong perfectionist, lurks…nagging me on toward unrealistic standards.
The house should be cleaner…the garden needs to be watered…the kids (when they were small) should be cleaner, etc.
Guilt wells up within me, the feeling that if I don’t try harder that no one will love me.
Well it did, until I learned to let go. I still hear the voice but I ignore it.
I learned to laugh at myself, and to be free of the slave master of perfection.
Perfectionism will cause you to procrastinate so that rather than fail, you simply don’t show up for the game of life. It drives some to drink and others to depression or divorce.
4 Reasons to Avoid Perfectionism
#1. You will never be perfect no matter how hard you try.
#2. Perfectionism will only keep you frustrated.
#3. Perfectionism will frustrate all the people around you.
#4. It’s not worth stressing about perfection
Is it your goal to have everything perfect or to have people look up to you? They will never look up to you if you’re trying to be perfect.
Perfectionism is a form of vanity or a cover up for insecurity. It’s a false illusion that can never be achieved. You can get the perfect haircut, but your hair will always grow out. You can have the perfect basket of herbs sitting in your kitchen, but they will grow out and become gangly in no time. You can mow, trim, and rake your backyard and it will be beautiful for a moment and then another leaf will fall ruining your dream of perfection.
Life is always changing.
Let go of your ideals and your should and should-nots, the requirements you have of yourself and others. Breathe. Choose to enjoy your life.
There’s an expression that I like that says, “cleaning houses while children are still growing is like shoveling snow while it’s still snowing”. If you try to have a perfect home while you have children, everyone around you will be tense and miserable. Don’t judge others for their home, and then you can let go of the expectation that they will judge you.
Perfectionism is nothing but a trap that will hold you in bondage. Being free of it leads you to a better path in life that brings joy.
How do you get rid of that little nagging voice in your head that pushes you toward perfectionism?
Henrik Edberg of the Positivity blog suggests:
“Reducing or cutting out the sources that try to reinforce perfectionism in you. Take a little time to review what websites, magazines, podcasts, TV-shows and books you spend a lot of time with. Take a look at if they have realistic and positive expectations or views on you and on life. And if not, choose to spend more of your time with the sources that lift you up and support you.”
The pursuit of perfectionism leads to a constant feeling of lack and disappointment.
Celestine Chua, Life Coach from Personal Excellence says:
“Think of 3 things you are doing right. A neurotic perfectionist tends to focus on lack and the things that they aren’t doing well. Turn that around by focusing on the things you are doing well. What are 3 things you have done right, in this goal, or in your life? Focus on them and repeat this question whenever you have negative self-talk. When done often, you’ll begin to recognize your own strengths naturally.”
Perfectionists differ from those striving for excellence.
Adam Sicinski of Igmatrix blog highlights the difference this way:
“Those who try their very best and strive for excellence do so from a place of empowerment. These people have a high level of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence in their own ability to get things done at the highest of levels. This behavior is healthy because these people come from a place of yearning for growth and development. And it’s this behavior that helps them perform at the highest level.”
Excellence is good and we need more of it, just be careful not to fall into the path of perfectionism along the way, allow yourself room for failure.
Are you a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist? What are some things you can start to let go of today, to lead a more happier, healthier life? Tell me in the comment box below!